flow

I've never before had a change-my-life breakthrough. Sometimes I get really excited about a new idea and hope that it's going to solve my problems (like this one), but it doesn't end up making a huge difference in the end.

I came across The Fluent Self about a month ago. I read a few pages and a bunch of the blog and thought I'd stumbled across something exactly up my alley. I like that Havi is genuine, has a sense of humour, and writes really well. And I'm her right person!

An hour later I wanted to fork over the $108USD for Havi's Dissolve Procrastination package, but I decided it probably would be something I just procrastinated reading - another distraction.

I'd been getting particularly stuck before I wrote my last post but felt a bit better after coming to some realisations:

• Bullying myself made me feel even more like poo (but I didn't know how to stop)
• I felt defeated afterwards (but I didn't know what to do about that)
• It helped to focus on making a choice in the moment without thinking about how much was still to go or all the other items on my to-do list (but I'm actually quite a good planner. I love planning. When I don't feel stuck.)

Penny's comment (thank you Penny!!) reminded me of The Fluent Self and I was feeling motivated enough to work on my problem, so I bought the package.

Thank god.

There is barely a word in the book that I didn't have the "yes, exactly!" response to. I guess I knew about some of the principles in it, such as that the root of the problem is blaming and being hard on yourself, but I didn't know what to do about that. I didn't get the concept completely, but it's all laid out in such an easy-to-understand way in Havi's book and I get it now.

So. I'm being nice to myself. I'm allowing myself to feel that I don't want to do something. How I feel is allowed. I'm in the process of removing the 'shoulds' and blame, and when that bad habit does come up, I'm just letting myself be aware that the blame is there, and then deciding whether I want it to be. I'm reminding myself to keep in mind that my goal isn't about getting to x point, it's about flow. It's not about the end result, it's about being happy with myself. After removing the blame, all that's left is me, without all that blockage and inner struggle. I'm free to make choices about what's best for me and I'm trusting myself to know when I need a break and when I really want to be working. (Most of the time, I want to be working, so I do.) I'm enjoying the process, and I'm really, really motivated to make my business great.

Now that I've starting working with myself instead of against myself, I can work out which techniques will help me work best (there's a bunch of ideas for that in the Dissolve Procrastination package, too). I'm keeping a notebook of little observations about how I work, what makes me more likely to want to procrastinate, and what makes me want to work.

I know I'm not 'fixed', just like that. I know it's something I'll have to keep working on. But I know how to maintain this. I'm confident that things won't be as bad as they were ever again.

$108 is almost too little a price to pay for that.